Dear Dad

Each week Mama Kat has an assignment for all her blogging friends. This week I decided to join in. Here is my entry AND she is also giving away a Hoover Vacuum! Go check it out, you too could win.

Dear Dad,

I often wonder what kind of life I would have if you had been a bigger part of it. If I had not been such a brat to you for most of that time. If I had actually known you. If my parents had not poisoned me against you. If I had been more forgiving and understanding. But, I was a kid. I was an obedient kid. I thought I was doing the right thing. But I wasn't. I was doing what others wanted me to do.

And now, I miss you.

I miss the Dad you could have been. I miss the snuggling that we never did. I miss not having you in my life until I was too old to make up for it. I miss all the things we should have done together. I missed you being at my wedding. I missed you being there when my children were little. And I miss that they missed the chance to know you.

If only I could go back to being six years old and beg you to be part of my life. I would let you know how much I needed you there. How much all three of us needed you there. I wouldn't have hated you....Ever! The choices each of us made are long past and now I live alone with the memories of what could have been. But I will not make the same mistakes with my own children. They will have their Dad in their lives no matter how I feel about him.

I miss you so much some times that my eyes fill with tears and my heart aches. I wish you were here and I could drive up and visit with you much more often then I ever took the chance to do.

I know someday I will see you again and when I do I will tell you all the things I never said. But I know you know that I love you, that I loved you. Lucky for me I told you before you left us.


Forever,

Your Daughter, Marrdy

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night

It was surely dark but probably not stormy 52 years ago when I was born in a German Army Field Hospital. In celebration of my own birthday here are 52 things about me!

1 – I love Cats!
2 – I am scared of the dark.
3 – I love the Green Bay Packers. Before Farve, after Farve, forever.
4 – I cry at, over and because of just about everything.
5 – I love to sing but really stink at it.
6 – I was named after my mother. Why couldn't my older sister have been saddled with this?
7 – My aunts are the greatest and I am so lucky to have them!
8 –I have a friend who has been my friend for over 42 years! Love you Sidlet!
9 – I am deathly afraid of spiders. Even little teeny tiny ones. I blame it on the Tarzan TV series of my childhood.
10 –I hate milk except on cereal and with chocolate desserts like chocolate chip cookies, chocolate cake and brownies.
11 – I have dissected both frogs and chicken eggs.
12 – I walked into a plate glass window at the mall during Christmas time. I wanted to see if a guy had sesame seed buns. (He was wearing a Big Mac shirt)
13 – When I was a senor in High School a group of Junior boys would follow me around. I never could figure out why but NOW I work with one of them!
14 – As a teenager I wanted to be a Social Worker and save the world one child at a time.
15 – I am 5 ½ inch feet tall.
16 – I wear ring size 5 ½ and shoe size 5 ½.
17 – I was my mom’s second biggest baby. The biggest baby (Jack) is now about 6 feet 1 inch. Life is just not fair.
18 - Being Seventeen was my favorite year until I turned 50! Great memories.
19 – The High School Adiel coaches cheer at once put a Fire Hydrant next to me during a Basketball game. We were the Huskies so I guess it was kind of funny.
20 – I had German Measles when I lived in Germany.
21 – I love yellow roses and daffodils.
22 – Fall is my favorite season and September my favorite month.
23 – Thanksgiving dinner is the best. That is what we’re having for my birthday dinner!
24 – I hate to shop for clothes, shoes and accessories because I can never find anything that fits right.
25 – I wish I had both of my sisters crafty genes.
26 – Water scares me.
27 – Because of this I only shower, never bath!
28 – But rain makes me very happy.
29 – There is a touch of OCD floating around inside of me.
30 – I read the Bible from cover to cover when I was 15 years old.
31 – My favorite Christmas Hymn is Oh Holy Night. I love the part that says, “Fall on your knees.” Give me chills every time I hear it.
32 – Merry Christmas, Darling can still make me cry. 34 years later!
33 – Speaking on Christmas, my favorite Christmas song is Felix Navidad played REALLY loud.
34 – When I was born I had a full head of thick black hair. I now have thin, fine, mousy brown hair.
35 – I am not a morning person.
36 – BYU and the U of U are my favorite college teams. Unless they play each other and then I become a BYU fan!
37 – All my toes have been broken. Some more then once. (I swear I am not a klutz. Said in my best Nixon voice)
38 – I sucked my thumb until I was in fourth grade.
39 – Because of the German Measles I had I got Mastoid Infection which paralyzed the left side of my face. I then had to have surgery in German at the age of 18 months.
40 – I love to work with the youth at church.
41 – Apples are my favorite fruit. I eat at least one a day.
42 – I love Snowmen and have a growing collection.
43 – I have been a huge Barry Manilow fan.
44 – My favorite concert of all time was Elton John in 1975 when he was still dressing up and being a wild and crazy guy.
45 – I have watched the Sound of Music at LEAST once a year for as long as I can remember.
46 – I had my first child at 30 which is VERY old here in Utah.
47 – Diet Coke is my good friend.
48 – One of my brothers died from years of drug abuse. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE DRUGS!
49 – In 1974-1975 I steadily dated three guys named Kelly.
50 – My favorite hobby is reading. (Is reading a hobby?)
51 – Contrary to what my family will tell you, I really am able to spit gum out a window as long as it is open.
52 – My life is better now than I ever thought it could be and probably better than I deserve.

Here I am with my MUCH older sister Marrla shortly after my surgery and while still living in Germany. I am the cute little bundle of pink on the left. I am sure there were times when my mother too wanted to feed me to the wolves!!

Thanks for celebrating with me and thanks so much for all your love and support! I feel like I have so many blogging friends that I may never meet who really are my friends! And thanks to all my friends I have actually met! You are all the best and I miss seeing you! (And thanks to Jill and Kristin for being good sisters and sister-in-law and reading my blog!)

Why Animals Eat Their Young

There are days when I wonder why I wanted children so badly. I am sure many other mothers have the same thoughts. I had those thoughts on Saturday when I had the unique experience to have dreadful interactions with all three of my children. I know I should not complain. I was desperate for children. I tried to have a baby for 8 years. I had surgeries, took drugs, (bad, nasty drugs) I was a guinea pig, I took my temperature every morning for two years, I pleaded with God to please allow me to have a child while people all over the world were reproducing and terminating those pregnancy as if they were being bothered by a bug. (Sorry, political soap boxing) My arguments with God were always, "What have I done wrong? Why I am unworthy to be a mother?" Those closest to me told me I was NOT being punished. Well, now that my desperation has made me a mother, I am being punished.

I was a stay at home mom for about 6 months of the last 23 years. I feel like laying the blame for unruly children on that, but I know that is not true. There are many working mothers who have wonderful well behaved children. I also know little demon children of stay at home moms. I would also like to blame genetics, but I honestly was a good kid. And I have a few good brothers and sisters. Of course like in every family there were a few rebels. Maybe their genes skipped over to my kids. That's a good cop out. Truth is.....my kids are spoiled and it's all my fault.

Saturday they were demon children. They made me cry, all three of them. And they blamed each other.

I should have been a mean mom, much, much meaner.

I really do love my kids. More then I can even tell you. But...there are times I wish I would have feed them to the wolves before they became teenagers.

I Heart Veggie Mom

That sweet Veggie Mom over at Eat Your Veggies has bestowed a bloggy award upon yours truly!! She really is the best. You should stop on over and read all about her adventures in the new world of Empty Nesters! And try some Poprs!! Don't know what they are? Go check it out and leave her some comment love and she will return the favor.

First of all, here are Rules:
1.The winner puts logo on her/his blog.
2.Link the person you received your award from.
3.Nominate 7 other blogs.
4.Put links of those blogs on yours.
5.Leave a message on the blogs of those you’ve chosen.


This is always a difficult task but there are some mighty fine blogs out there and some truly great bloggers, so with no further delay, here are the nominees:


1- Adiel. Just because she is the very best! Plus I am still missing her and all her shopping and blogging and cheerleading and on and on!

2 - Rhea at who is one of the most creative people I have met. Her pictures are so fun with stuff that I can't do! (Jealous me? Yes.)

3 - Tonya in California who has the most amazing adventures living the the world of oceans and movie stars. (Well, nothing about movie stars but she is by the ocean!)

4 - Emily at The Krazy Kestons who is potty training her baby. It makes me sad that my kids are so old but glad that they are already potty trained!

5 - Suzy who has given me the opportunity to be 3 degrees from Stephanie Meyers. Check that out, I was very excited!

6 - The Mcewens. I love this blog. It is warm and fuzzy and every time I read it I feel better!

7 - Natalie at The Emmer Family. She has the cutest kids I have ever seen and they say the darnedest things!

There you are! All deserving and all great blogs. Go check them out! And thanks again to Veggie Mom!

Happy Birthday Madie Pie!

Happy Birthday Madie! Here she is last year, Sweet 16!

I have only one daughter. I only have two sons, so it's not like I have tons of kids, but only one daughter. I always wanted lots of girls and I am so grateful that I now have only one. Girls are hard so I am glad I got to focus my attention on just this little one.

Anyway, my one beautiful daughter just celebrated her 17th birthday. It feels like just yesterday I found out I was pregnant with her and dragging my sisters into my filthy bedroom to tell them that miraculously I had gotten pregnant. I remember the day of the ultra sound and crying with joy because I was having a girl, going back to work and sharing that with my friends and they cried and hugged and kissed me. I remember the nasty complication I had and what a treat it was to finally deliver her and get rid of my maternity girdle!! (I ceremoniously trashed it when Alex was born!)

Most of all I remember scheduling the C-Section and going to the hospital and waiting for the process to start and how scared I was. It had been six years since the last time I had done this and I wasn't sure I was ready. After those nice drugs I think I was ready to do just about anything. My Doctor delivered her and called her "Pumpkin" and it sort of stuck. She has always been the Pumpkin Pie Girl.

She was boy crazy on that first day and I think she really is getting worse and worse. But she is more crazy for animals. Cats, Dogs, Rats, Hamsters, Mice..anything that she could and can drag home with her and call her own. She still has all her cats, six or seven plus a hamster. (I think the cats ate her last mouse.) Her greatest loves are Llama's and Alpaca's. Don't know how they could ever sleep in her bed like the cats though.

Llama Lover Madie...with a baby Llama and a Llama puppet

She works hard now at a pet store and is great at her job and enjoys it most of the time. She is a Junior in High School and now our (please note the our) goal is a car. Can you just see and all those A's and B's coming???

Here she is just last night letting a Ferret kiss her. Maybe this will keep the boys away!

So Happy Birthday to my wonderful, challenging, beautiful daughter!

Love you tons and tons, baby girl. So glad you are part of my life.