There are days when I wonder why I wanted children so badly. I am sure many other mothers have the same thoughts. I had those thoughts on Saturday when I had the unique experience to have dreadful interactions with all three of my children. I know I should not complain. I was desperate for children. I tried to have a baby for 8 years. I had surgeries, took drugs, (bad, nasty drugs) I was a guinea pig, I took my temperature every morning for two years, I pleaded with God to please allow me to have a child while people all over the world were reproducing and terminating those pregnancy as if they were being bothered by a bug. (Sorry, political soap boxing) My arguments with God were always, "What have I done wrong? Why I am unworthy to be a mother?" Those closest to me told me I was NOT being punished. Well, now that my desperation has made me a mother, I am being punished.
I was a stay at home mom for about 6 months of the last 23 years. I feel like laying the blame for unruly children on that, but I know that is not true. There are many working mothers who have wonderful well behaved children. I also know little demon children of stay at home moms. I would also like to blame genetics, but I honestly was a good kid. And I have a few good brothers and sisters. Of course like in every family there were a few rebels. Maybe their genes skipped over to my kids. That's a good cop out. Truth is.....my kids are spoiled and it's all my fault.
Saturday they were demon children. They made me cry, all three of them. And they blamed each other.
I should have been a mean mom, much, much meaner.
I really do love my kids. More then I can even tell you. But...there are times I wish I would have feed them to the wolves before they became teenagers.
