Saturday, September 27, 2008

Dear Dad

Each week Mama Kat has an assignment for all her blogging friends. This week I decided to join in. Here is my entry AND she is also giving away a Hoover Vacuum! Go check it out, you too could win.

Dear Dad,

I often wonder what kind of life I would have if you had been a bigger part of it. If I had not been such a brat to you for most of that time. If I had actually known you. If my parents had not poisoned me against you. If I had been more forgiving and understanding. But, I was a kid. I was an obedient kid. I thought I was doing the right thing. But I wasn't. I was doing what others wanted me to do.

And now, I miss you.

I miss the Dad you could have been. I miss the snuggling that we never did. I miss not having you in my life until I was too old to make up for it. I miss all the things we should have done together. I missed you being at my wedding. I missed you being there when my children were little. And I miss that they missed the chance to know you.

If only I could go back to being six years old and beg you to be part of my life. I would let you know how much I needed you there. How much all three of us needed you there. I wouldn't have hated you....Ever! The choices each of us made are long past and now I live alone with the memories of what could have been. But I will not make the same mistakes with my own children. They will have their Dad in their lives no matter how I feel about him.

I miss you so much some times that my eyes fill with tears and my heart aches. I wish you were here and I could drive up and visit with you much more often then I ever took the chance to do.

I know someday I will see you again and when I do I will tell you all the things I never said. But I know you know that I love you, that I loved you. Lucky for me I told you before you left us.


Your Daughter, Marrdy


Diane said...

What a beautiful letter. It made me cry. I'm glad you got to tell your dad you loved him. I miss mine so much, too. Thanks for sharing :)

Mama's Losin' It said...

Oh I'm so glad at the very least you were able to share these thoughts with him at some point. What a heartbreaking story...I hope you've been able to fogive the people that created that barrier between you and your Dad!!

Veggie Mom said...

What a poignant post! Thanks so much for sharing. BTW, Uncle Lynn answers your questions today over at my place in celebration of my Sweet Centennial. Please stop on by!

McEwens said...

WOW Marrdy- the hard what ifs... like you said you were just a child, doing what you thought was right. Glad in the end you could talk to him.... my father choose to leave us... hard post for me

Adiel said...

Sheesh Marrdy, shouldn't have read this in the emotional state that I'm in right now.

Kim said...

What a lovely letter. Must go cry now.

Melissa B. said...

This is lovely. Thanks so much for sharing!

Sherri - KaysvilleMomma said...

That was beautiful!!!

Anonymous said...

Very sweet and touching letter, thanks for sharing.