I often wonder what kind of life I would have if you had been a bigger part of it. If I had not been such a brat to you for most of that time. If I had actually known you. If my parents had not poisoned me against you. If I had been more forgiving and understanding. But, I was a kid. I was an obedient kid. I thought I was doing the right thing. But I wasn't. I was doing what others wanted me to do.
And now, I miss you.
I miss the Dad you could have been. I miss the snuggling that we never did. I miss not having you in my life until I was too old to make up for it. I miss all the things we should have done together. I missed you being at my wedding. I missed you being there when my children were little. And I miss that they missed the chance to know you.
If only I could go back to being six years old and beg you to be part of my life. I would let you know how much I needed you there. How much all three of us needed you there. I wouldn't have hated you....Ever! The choices each of us made are long past and now I live alone with the memories of what could have been. But I will not make the same mistakes with my own children. They will have their Dad in their lives no matter how I feel about him.
I miss you so much some times that my eyes fill with tears and my heart aches. I wish you were here and I could drive up and visit with you much more often then I ever took the chance to do.
I know someday I will see you again and when I do I will tell you all the things I never said. But I know you know that I love you, that I loved you. Lucky for me I told you before you left us.
Your Daughter, Marrdy