Thursday, November 20, 2008

Dear Utah Jazz

Head on over to Secret In The Sauce to check out other open letters today!

Dear Utah Jazz Front Office,

Now that our (notice how I say 'our'? All sports fans think they own the team don't ya think?) season has begun and we are 8-4 I think there may be one thing that needs to be added to the team.

Our starters are amazing. Our bench is the best ever. We are on our way. I'm sure you did notice that Fox Sports ranked us #6. Very nice. I think we should be #1 but those other pesky teams were voted before us. We have the worlds best fans too. But, as you already know, I am the best fan you have ever had or will ever have. (And don't let Nikki at blah, blah, blah blog tell you she is the biggest fan...maybe she is the co-biggest fan!)

So this is a going to be a great year.


Have you noticed that over the years there have been some really HOT players. Players like Bobby Hansen, who used to grab the front of his breakaway sweats and rip them off his body! Or Blue Edwards who was just too cute for words. (Plus those three super duper guys, Stockton, Malone and Hornacek!) But now we have Paul Milsap. (Small pause to catch my breath here!) Paul Milsap makes my heart flutter. I'm sure you saw his interview the other night without his shirt on, and I am here to tell you that the man is SOLID! Hmmmmm...

So, here is my idea. Paul needs his own person Fan Girl. (So, I'm not a girl, use your imagination!) I need to stand right by Paul during the games and fan him with one of those big ole feather fans. I know he gets hot and really could use some cooling down. The best part of this is that I will volunteer my services. You won't need to pay me a dime! I will even furnish my own fan. In Jazz colors of course.


Now, so you don't think I'm some crazed lunatic I want you to know that I am an upstanding citizen. I work a full time job, am the mother of three children, have a wonderful husband and have been entrusted every Sunday morning to teach 12 ten years at church. I swear I'm not the stalker from Hades! You can trust me.


Plus, I know that Paul really wants me to help out. He hasn't actually told me using any words, but I can "feel" him reaching out to me. Much the same way as Donny Osmond and all those baby animals. He wants me!! He needs me!! Oh baby, oh baby!!

So please just give me a buzz and let me know if I should start on the 24th against Chicago. I can be at the arena a little early so you can give me keys to the locker room and Paul's car. Just for safekeeping, don't cha know?

If Paul has any opposition to this please let D Will, Korver or Matt Harping that my fanning services are open to them too. Actually, if we really get down to it, just let me inside and I will fan the whole team, Jerry and the other coaches included!

Good Luck tonight in San Antonio. I will be stalking, opps, I mean watching you here at home. Waiting for your return!

Go Check out Paul at his own website http://pmillsap.com/.

24 comments:

nikkicrumpet said...

ROFL....Good thing you added that CO-FAN comment or I would have had to come and fight you for them! I was just getting ready to go to bed...I have to get up way early in the morning...then I spotted a thumbnail of a Jazz player and had to come look. DO THEY ROCK OR WHAT? That game in Phoenix had me screaming at the TV...and I was cheering again last night. Can't wait for San Antonio..hope Boozer is okay...and I get dibs on fanning KORVER!!! Or...I can be the official butt smacker...okay we can both fan and butt smack at the same time...we are multi-taskers after all!

Adiel said...

Oh no you don't! Matt is MINE!!!!!

McEwens said...

Hope they have a great season! And beat the lakers MANY times!

Marrdy said...

Nikki-You are so funny. I didn't even think of being a butt slapper. Now that will work. And I can leave Korver alone.

Adiel-When I typed Matt I knew you would be upset. You can have Matt along with Nikki and Korver.

Pam-I DISLIKE the Lakers. I hope everyone beats them!!

Honey Mommy said...

You go girl! Get that fan and start practicing because I'm sure you're going to get a call after this letter!

Mamarazzi said...

hilarious!

Go BYU! bwaaah hahahahah ha ha

Mamarazzi said...

can you tell i don't follow anything but college sports?!

i hit enter before i was done...hate that!

Demand More said...

haha, can I come with you? Your arm might get tired after all, then who would hold the fan?

Jessica G. said...

I'm not a Jazz fan (gasp! It's downright un-Utahn!). Now I want to know just who Milsap is...

Jack said...

Ummmm he was born Feb 10, 1985!!! Doesn't that make him younger than your son?

Marrdy said...

Jack-Paul Milsap is actually much, much older than my oldest child. Exactly 11 months older. So there, smarty pants!

And the Refridgerator is dead and Dennis Rodman retired. You need to keep up on your sports!

nikkicrumpet said...

argh...who was that team wearing the Jazz uniforms tonight???? What a mess...I couldn't even watch the end. Maybe instead of being butt slappers....we should whap them upside the head!!!

Ritch in Love said...

OH! WE LUUVVVVV HIM!!!!!! GO JAZZ!(AND WAY TO BE AN AWESOME FAN OF THE GAME OF FOOTBALL! TOMORROW WILL BE EXCITING! WE'LL BE THERE!)

Melissa B. said...

Could you please send some of those cutie-patooties to DC so that the Wizards can get their groove back? I don't think we've won a single game this season! BTW, my Silly Sunday Sweepstakes features a pretty highLARious snap tomorrow. It's not a kitty, but a pretty cute turkey!! Please come by and Share the Caption Love!

Sid said...

Well Mard, I've always known that you are completely crazy and now I have proof! That is too funny! Thanks for cheering me up on a gloomy day in Idaho! HUGS!

Rhea said...

You are such a good person to offer your personal services like that. Such a true fan. Not wanting anything out of it yourself, truly giving from the heart. hehe

Jack said...

Phew! 'Ol Paul was 11 months old when your baby was born.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Perry_(American_football)

"In June 2008, he was diagnosed with Guillain-Barré syndrome and is currently in recovery."

Marrdy said...

Thanks Jack, embarrass me in front of the whole blogging world!! I swear he had a heart attack and died!! Most have been one of the other Bears. But Rodman did retire, thank goodness!!

Veggie Mom said...

The Packers are on tomorrow nite, so I watched Brett the Jett today. Our NBA team isn't doing so well lately. Thank goodness for football!

Madison said...

You are so delightfully loony!

Madison said...

yeah, so that was from Misty, not Madison...

MBG Yardservices said...

Ha Ha Ha Ha Marrdy! You are so funny! I love reading your blog!-Emily Morris

gingela5 said...

haha that's great! I hope they grant you your request--and they should since you're the biggest fan!

Just say Julie said...

LOL! I used to cheer Paul Milsap on at Louisiana Tech during his college days. He grew up with my brother and went to our rival high school. Too Funny! Really enjoyed that! Thanks for stopping by my blog... glad I got to visit yours too!