I got a phone call this morning from a woman who was upset with, I'm assuming, someone that was not me. It was ever so pleasant to be greeted first thing in the morning with someone so pathetic. Why are there people like this in the world? They should be locked up in a sound proof room so that no one will have to listen to their rants anymore. So, because of that I have some ranting of my own.
I would like to address the appropriate ways to speak to people when you call a place of business for any kind of service. It seems there is some confusion on what is acceptable behavior in dealing with the folks who earn a measly penitence to assist you in your time of need.
1 - Please do not just assume that I know you and you know me. Even with Caller ID I do not know you although I can see your name on my little display. Please do not treat me like you are my long lost Aunt Bertha. Especially if you are trying to sell me something. It's kind of creepy. (I don't know which is more annoying...the screamers or the suck ups.)
2 - I may be the 4,000th person at this company that you have spoken to about this problem but I do not know what your problem is. Please do not scream at me because I have to ask a few questions. They do not pay me enough to put up with that kind of behavior. Besides I am betting you are older than two since you can use the phone so there is no reason to throw a fit. Please get a grip.
3 - I am so sorry you are having a bad day, year, decade, life...eternity. I really don't want to hear your sob story. I might feel a little sorry if your cat, dog, alligator, mother in law was recently hit by a Mac truck, but please don't use this as an excuse as to why your current bill is 6 months past due. Everyone has problems, me included. Maybe I should start sharing mine with you. We could all use some free therapy.
4 - There are many people in our office. If I happen to pick up the phone when you call back please don't think that I am the same person who answered the phone before. I wasn't and there is no reason for you to yell at me that I cut you off AGAIN! Take a few deep breaths, go to your happy spot and then begin to speak to me. Besides, I have no control over the person I or anyone else was transferring you to. If you would like to speak to his/her supervisor about the fact that his/her voice mail is full, he/she doesn't really know how to speak on the phone or he/she is a total idiot, I can transfer you to that person. But only if you play nice.
5 - Don't start your conversation accusing me of something. Even if it was me who did it, it may have been a mistake. I do make mistakes, but I know it is difficult for a person as perfect as you to understand that. Plus it makes me dislike you instantly.
6 - Please do not bad mouth other companies doing similar work. I actually work for a large corporation and not really a small company. You might be saying bad things about one of my good friends. And won't you be embarrassed when I tell you that the bad company is actually another branch of the company I work for. Also please don't say bad things about my co-workers. I actually like most of them and you will make me angry.
7 - And lastly, I am a big fan of Thumper and his amazing rule for getting along with people. And that Golden Rule is something pretty important too. Think about that BEFORE you call here. I don't like mean people and I just may ask one of the guys here to run over you with their big truck. Passive/Aggressive behavior...I am an expect!
Thank you and have a nice day!