I don't mean this post to be a poor pity me post...just want to tell my baby how I was feeling and had Kathy give me the chance!
Writers Workshop once again. This week is easy.
One of Mama Kat's assignment is to post a love letter.
Madie wrote me an amazing letter for Mother's Day. It was nice to hear that she loved me and was glad I was her mom. I have been having some very serious MAJOR issues with Madie. Tough stuff that I thought my kids would never do. Unfortunately, sometimes they do. The letter doesn't make the matter any easier to deal with but it does lessen the pain when I read it because I know, somewhere inside my mixed up, screwed up child, is the little girl who did everything with me and loved me more than anything else. I just hope I can find her before she is lost to me forever.
The letter you wrote me on Mother's Day means the world to me. Sometimes mom's feel used and abused and it's always is nice to know that what we do is appreciated and acknowledged.
Right now my heart is breaking for you. I am lost. You are lost. I am trying to find you, trying to find my Madie in this insane world you have entered. I am sad and I am confused.
I had big dreams for my children. The whole white picket fence and yellow gingham curtain thing was going to be mine and I was going to share it with my angelic children.
Life has thrown us some wrenches and we ourselves have thrown in a few screwdrivers and hammers. You just emptied the whole toolbox. We are all now dodging dangerous weapons. This was not how life was going to be.
When you make mistakes and take huge falls in your life, you don't hurt just yourself. You hurt me, your Dad, your Step Dad, Cole and Alex. Right now we are all scared for you.
I remember the day I found out you would be a girl. I cried and felt so blessed. I was to be the mother of a daughter. What could be better? I told my co workers the great news and my friend Mickey gave me a kiss on the cheek, a kiss I was sure you could feel...because she had a daughter and she knew how I felt.
You are not alone in this fight. You have a great support system, but you have to let us help you and not to enable you to continue on. Things are going to get alot worse before they get better. But we are all going to be there for you.
Come back to us Madie, come back to Mommy. I love you more than life itself. I want my Madie back and I will go to the depths of hell to get you back.
I"ll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living (and forever more)
Your Mommy I'll be.
Always and forever,