Thursday, May 21, 2009

Writers Workshop - Love Letter

I don't mean this post to be a poor pity me post...just want to tell my baby how I was feeling and had Kathy give me the chance!

Writers Workshop once again. This week is easy.

One of Mama Kat's assignment is to post a love letter.

Madie wrote me an amazing letter for Mother's Day. It was nice to hear that she loved me and was glad I was her mom. I have been having some very serious MAJOR issues with Madie. Tough stuff that I thought my kids would never do. Unfortunately, sometimes they do. The letter doesn't make the matter any easier to deal with but it does lessen the pain when I read it because I know, somewhere inside my mixed up, screwed up child, is the little girl who did everything with me and loved me more than anything else. I just hope I can find her before she is lost to me forever.

Dear Madie-

The letter you wrote me on Mother's Day means the world to me. Sometimes mom's feel used and abused and it's always is nice to know that what we do is appreciated and acknowledged.

Right now my heart is breaking for you. I am lost. You are lost. I am trying to find you, trying to find my Madie in this insane world you have entered. I am sad and I am confused.

I had big dreams for my children. The whole white picket fence and yellow gingham curtain thing was going to be mine and I was going to share it with my angelic children.

Life has thrown us some wrenches and we ourselves have thrown in a few screwdrivers and hammers. You just emptied the whole toolbox. We are all now dodging dangerous weapons. This was not how life was going to be.

When you make mistakes and take huge falls in your life, you don't hurt just yourself. You hurt me, your Dad, your Step Dad, Cole and Alex. Right now we are all scared for you.

I remember the day I found out you would be a girl. I cried and felt so blessed. I was to be the mother of a daughter. What could be better? I told my co workers the great news and my friend Mickey gave me a kiss on the cheek, a kiss I was sure you could feel...because she had a daughter and she knew how I felt.

You are not alone in this fight. You have a great support system, but you have to let us help you and not to enable you to continue on. Things are going to get alot worse before they get better. But we are all going to be there for you.

Come back to us Madie, come back to Mommy. I love you more than life itself. I want my Madie back and I will go to the depths of hell to get you back.

I"ll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living (and forever more)
Your Mommy I'll be.

Always and forever,



Tracy P. said...

Marrdy, you are one beautiful, amazing mom. Wow. Praying for Madie! Wish I were there to give you a hug.

Leisia said...

I could feel your pain while I was reading your post. Wow, I hope everything works out and I believe it will. I will be praying for your family. We have alot in common...if you read some of the posts on my blog you would see. Hang in there and don't give up on her. A daughter needs a Mother and a Mother needs her child.

Emily K. said...

I too have the picket fence life dream for my family. I wish our kids understood how their choices affect more than just them.
I love Madie, she has always been so sweet and caring. I hope that things work out for her and your family. She is in my prayers, along with you and Dick.
One day she will be grateful to have the wonderful mother she has.

Lins said...

What a touching post to welcome me to your were the comment above me on this morning's SITS Roll Call, so I thought I'd say hi!

As the daughter of a great mother, and also as a woman who walked away from my family for several years and made some huge mistakes, my heart goes out to you and Madie both. Obviously I don't know Madie's struggles, but I can relate to being so far away from your family you don't know how to bridge that gap again. Be consistent for her, stick to your morals and she'll see that in you. Be a soft place to fall and a safe place to come back to.

God loves you and Madie both. Let Him work out the details. I'll be praying for both of you!

pan x 8 said...

I am going to steal this for when I go through this in years to come... My heart goes out to you and you will be in my prayers!

Xazmin said...

Made me cry. I'll keep your family in my prayers. That was beautiful.

nikkicrumpet said...

What a powerful letter. Sometimes it is soooo hard to be a mom and watch our kids make mistakes. It tears your heart out not to be able to fix things. I'll keep your precious Madie in my prayers. Hang in their my sweet friend. I'm sending massive HUGS from Massachusetts!!!

Liz said...

You sweet thing....a mother's love is an amazing thing. I love Madie....she is a beautiful creature. You are a stellar mother.

I personally don't believe the picket fence exists...even when it looks like it does.
My prayers are with you!

Melissa B. said...

Marrdy, you touched me to my core. I hope y'all are able to work through everything and that you get your little girl back. Here are a few hugs, coming your way, OK? *insert hugs here*

Mariah said...

I'm hoping that Maddie can feel your love and make her way out of the depths that she is in{{HUGS}}